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15 March 2013 @ 04:37 am
I am feeling like a horrible person, but I can't help it. Everyone around me sees to be getting pregnant, most of the don't even seem to be trying, people younger than me, people married for less time than us, people who *weren't* trying, people with their 3rd, 4th, or even 5th babies. I just want to scream, it just seems so unfair. My whole life has been devoted to caring for other people's children, I waited for the perfect partner/daddy for my kids and now...
All I can hear is biological clocks ticking in my ear, sounding more and more like a time bomb. I try to do what I can to be prepared, but it's hard to try to lose weight and stay away from caffeine and take my prenatal vitamins, when it feels like I am going nowhere.
I know that God is in control. I am trying to sacrifice my desire for children to Him and trust in His plans. Still it's hard when every time I turn around somebody in my church, in my high school class, or in my family is pregnant. Every time I read facebook somebody is announcing their pregnancy, talking about their new baby or just generally making me ache. And I feel horrible for aching, for not fully participating in their joy. What is wrong with me?
So I turn back to the One who is Higher than I, I know that He is Good. I know that He is able. I choose to trust in the Lord with all of my heart and lean not on my own understanding.
So Today was super lazy day. David hasn't felt well (read suffering from exhaustion.) so we missed church and hung around the house reading and poking at computers. I made grilled cheese for lunch, and tuna casserole(David's favorite) for dinner, BTW edamame in tuna casserole isn't as good an idea as it sounds.
Yesterday we super slept in until just before one got up and rushed around getting dressed, buying a housewarming gift and I finished the last few pages of Steel Caves By Issac Asimov (good stuff that) before heading to a couple from churches housewarming party. We hung out for about an hour and a half before making a break for it to try and mail package to nieces in Alaska before Post Orifice closed, we failed, but the package is now ready for take two tomorrow. Then as I was getting inexplicably grouchy husband took me home sat me in front of Katamari with a pudding cup while he made dinner, what a sweet and good man I married!
Later at 8 we went to Comedy Sportz, an improv show, which was mildly amusing to me and hugely amusing to David, followed by an open mike stand up show which was more amusing to me. I am seriously thinking about trying to do it next month. We'll see.
On Friday David stayed home dead, but I did my afternoon job and picked up my friend Rochelle, my niecele's Birthday gift and a pizza on the way home. We had a really enjoyable evening with video games, pizza and good company. I was supposed to take Rochie home around 8:30 so I could make the showing of Lost Boys at the Bagdad, but with David home on a Friday night which he rarely is, Rochelle and David clearly enjoying their first meeting vs. a movie I enjoy but don't love... well I just didn't have the heart to bust up the party. It was a good night with me learning to play the RPG Eternal Sonata much to the amusement of Rochelle and David. Rochelle:"What did we learn?" Me: "To fight the stupid rats to level up?" R: "And?" Me: "...." R:"Save points are good?" Me:"O yeah, That too. Stupid Narrator, stupid rats! (indistinct grumbling)"
Current Location: Apt.#18
Current Mood: Chatty
Current Music: Friday Night, Saturday Morning- The Specials
29 September 2010 @ 11:42 pm
So maybe in a bid to humor me after the book thing Hubby who has been idly perusing a local sex shop's website sent me this

Really? Really, people?! Somebody, somewhere, at some point thought that a gnome costume was a good Idea to dress up in and seduce someone? I am stranded somewhere between amused and creeped out, but certainly *not* turned on.
Current Location: Apt.#18
Current Mood: amusedamused
Current Music: I'm too sexy- Right Said Fred
29 September 2010 @ 11:25 pm
I have found a nifty website I am loving
they keep posting things like

and this

No NO you are doing it *wrong*! If you build stuff with the books then you can not read the books. You are stealing their souls! Bad, bad, bad, and wrong. Stop. it. NOW.
Current Location: Apt.#18
Current Mood: aggravatedaggravated
Current Music: Baby Did a Bad Bad Thing-Chris Issaks
28 September 2010 @ 09:56 pm
I have secured an amazing after school nanny position with great parents and fun kids. I am having a blast. My only problem is 5 year old is still adjusting to full day school with no rest. This can occasionally lead to...attitude problems.
Today was one of those days. She did fine all afternoon until asked to focus on her "homework" which consists of reviewing the letters/sounds they have been covering in class. Me:"What's this letter?" *pointing to the letter she has been covering since school started* Her: "I don't remember." *Staring at the letter she reviewed with me yesterday no problems and smirking* It was a bit of a struggle, but we were doing okay until... Her mom walked in the door half an hour early, hoping to pop in change into workout clothes and get back out the door for a quick run. Child loses cool. Mom and I both firmly state her options A. Calm down and finish homework, waiting patiently for mom to get home. B. Go rest in room where no one has to listen to whining hissy fit. Child spent 10 minutes trying to impress upon said adults that she felt there should be an option C. I go with mom, because I *want* to. This option was rejected, roundly. Child lost all options and was bodily carried to her room. Her mother was mortified and wanted to know if I wanted to go home, I declined saying this was good for child and let child know that we both meant business. Mom went for run while 9 year old and I had nice game of Payday and I stuck around even through dinner prep. 5 year old now knows bad behavior will *not* run me off. *Mwahahahah*
Current Location: Apt.#18
Current Mood: accomplishedaccomplished
Current Music: Short People- Randy Newman
27 September 2010 @ 11:07 pm
I haven't posted in waaaay to long but I make no apologies. I was out living life, getting married, moving, fighting some depression, working on my health and just being me in general. I now open the floor to questions, ask anything, anything you want. I promise to answer.
Current Location: Apartment #18
Current Mood: happyhappy
Current Music: Telephone- Pomplamoose
31 December 2009 @ 10:48 pm
Current Location: Oak Harbor
Current Mood: ecstaticecstatic
Current Music: Wouldn't it be Nice? -Beach Boys
25 November 2009 @ 03:47 am
Over in facebook land some,of my friends are doing a meme where they say something that they are thankful for each day in November, being my usual day late dollar short I have missed out on that meme, but I think I am going to adapt it to 30 things I am thankful for and since it's here in LJ I can expound upon them in ways facebook won't let me. YayThirty things I am thankful for.Collapse )

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!
Current Location: Home
Current Mood: thankfulthankful
Current Music: The Luckiest- Ben Folds
23 November 2009 @ 12:53 am
Was running a little late when David came to pick me up for church so making us about 5 min. late for Sunday school, which David was *mostly* gracious about. :) I didn't go to service because I was asked to work in the Infant room, which was fun and gave me a baby fix. After church David and I grabbed a snack and hit the road for Salem, to meet his mom for lunch. We got there about an hour early so walked the local mall looking for a bookstore, and just enjoying each-others company. We met his mum at the faux fifties dinner, had belly bomb hamburgers and chatted with his mom for about 2 hours or more. Then the booth started to tweak my back a bit and we decided it was time to head out. I napped in the car and was still sleepy when we got home so I begged for more nap and David agreed and we slept(him on the couch and me on his bed,) for about two hours got up and I watched the Castle I had recorded (David is still pretending not to like it,) we both watched the 2nd V and I made us grilled cheese sandwiches. Then we discovered that the description on the Mythbusters was wrong, I was mortified, because I almost had David delete it without looking at it first. All I can say about that is yay for exploding water heaters and anything that makes my honey giggle maniacally. After all that we did our devotions and took a long time chatting about them and basically enjoying each-other before praying and David dropping me at home. So you guys regret asking for all the boring details of my life yet? ;)
Current Location: Home
Current Mood: calmcalm
Current Music: Upside Down- The LevelBoys
22 November 2009 @ 01:03 am
Quiet day in Lake Wobegon (okay okay, Beaverton) putzed around online, chatted with my bro a bit, saw a pic of the new tat he's planning. David came over to show off his new haircut(cute) and tell me about his invite to google wave. Then we went out to a nice Mexican dinner at Chevy's and we were lucky enough to sit close to the tortilla making machine, but the nicest part was coming out of the bathroom and to see him grinning and watching a couple of kids watching the machine, enjoying their wonder, you know. He's a sweet man that man of mine. After dinner we hit Fred Meyers picked up a couple of things (milk and bananas for me, cereal for him,) went back to his place played Pain for awhile on the PS3 and unlocked a new level. Yay! Finally watched the V premiere we have been saving on the DVR, read our devotions and prayed. All in all a quiet rainy Saturday in late November. But now David can't complain about the zoo of a trip to see my folks for Thanksgiving next weekend. Heh. Night all. O BTW speaking of the trip any good audiobook recommendations would be appreciated.
Current Location: home
Current Mood: mellowmellow
Current Music: To Lay Me Down- Cowboy Junkies